i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
