i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Randomize
