i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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