I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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