Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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