Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
