So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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