You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
