I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
