my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
