:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
