I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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