it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
