If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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