I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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