I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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