she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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