I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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