Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
