If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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