we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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