yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
