just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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