I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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