I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
she told me i tasted like america
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
