i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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