im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
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