my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
