I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
