when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
