4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
