Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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