I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
