If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
