dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Congratulations! We have a period
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