I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
