apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
