we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
