I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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