He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Randomize
