So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
