My room smells like vodka and shame
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
