Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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