Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
