So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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