Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It's blow job season.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
