it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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