Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
