How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
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