I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I feel like a drive thru vagina
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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