There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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