so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
