guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
